Sleep, that is.
One of the biggest issues with having children is how much sleep they, and in turn you, get.
The issue starts when that little person you don't yet know is nestled safely in your tummy. At night you're big and achy and toss and turn for hours on end. During the day, as you waddle around the shops, many well meaning strangers have that favourite little quip-
'make the most of your sleep now because you'll get none when baby arrives.'
We've all heard it and while we know that there will be a lack of sleep once baby is born, nothing can prepare you for how draining it really can be.
My first born was a terrible sleeper. Do you know that baby you hear crying ALL the time on the maternity ward? That was Z.
At the end of visiting hours I watched my husband leave and my heart sank. What do I do now? I was all alone with this perfect little bundle but I felt so out of my depth.
Our first night as mother and son was spent with us both in tears.
I'd read all the books while I was pregnant- he was fed, his nappy was changed, I'd spent hours cuddling him, what more did he want?
Eventually at 3am one of the midwives took pity on me (or she couldn't take his crying any longer) picked Z up and handed him to me,
'he just wants his mummy. Now get some sleep.'
Now it worked, he instantly settled but it went against all of the official advice a mum-to-be is given whilst pregnant.
'you must NEVER co-sleep.' 'Baby must always sleep in his own crib'
Through exhaustion I did fall asleep but I did feel I was breaking all of the rules.
Even once we were home from hospital, establishing a routine that worked wasn't as easy as I'd hoped. I gave it a couple of weeks before I tried to put one in place.
We started our evening with bath time, then took Z into our room. Curtains were closed, lights were low and we played a baby cd at low volume. I did baby massage which was lovely for bonding and once he was dressed gave him a feed.
Now this didn't always work. Z would wake with a startle the moment I put him into his crib. On a good day I would be able to pat him whilst shushing and he would go back to sleep. Other days I would have to pick him up and put him into bed with me. Poor Daddy was confined to the sofa out of fear of crushing this tiny little thing who had taken his place in bed. Not good for a relationship.
The one piece of advice I have though is to keep trying.
If one way isn't working for you then try another but do give it a few weeks before changing it up.
Our break through didn't actually come until we moved house when Z was 1 1/2 and he got his own room. We carried on with the routine of bath time, bedroom dimly lit, we use a night light, and music quietly playing, adding a bedtime story into the mix.
To our surprise it worked!
After endless nights agonising over where I was going wrong, he actually stayed in his own bed. If Z woke up then I would tuck him back in and sit outside his room. Where he could see me but behind the stair gate over his bedroom door. As long as he knew mummy was around then he was happy. At this point I would slowly start to crawl away, making sure I missed that creaky floor board!
Of course we had blips when he was teething or unwell and if I didn't follow the routine to a T then we had problems where he just wouldn't settle.
So, routine is key.
You all know where you stand and children thrive when their days are structured.
Now at 5 years old, Z is a (semi) good sleeper.
I still stick to the same routine, starting at 6 and the boys are in bed by 7.
Any waking's are deal with quickly and quietly. Do you need the toilet? Do you need a drink? Then back into bed and cd back on. With Z this works- more on R later.
There is no right way or wrong way when it comes to parenting. We are all muddling along the best we can. You will find your way though, eventually.
Now, if only I knew what would work on my 2 year old!
xx
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