We had finally worked out what bedtime routine worked for Z and he was sleeping well by the time our second son came along. Everyone was sleeping where they were supposed to be. I started to feel like I was getting the hang of bedtimes.
We started a routine straight away, although not a completely rigid one.
R would have a bath with his older brother and while daddy settled Z, as I was breast feeding on demand, to keep him close, I would put R in his Moses basket downstairs. He was carried upstairs and put into his crib when I went up to bed. He slotted into our lives perfectly.
When we put him into his own room at 4 months old we started him on the same bath, story, cd routine and he took to it really well. The only time he would wake would be if he couldn't find his dummy. He'd find it by himself or we would rummage around under the cot to retrieve it. But he had no problems going back to sleep.
After 7 o'clock became adult time. Where we got to sit and talk and watch movies that weren't animated.
There were the occasional blips where we had to sit with whichever boy woke up and do a commando crawl out of the room once he had gone back to sleep but hey! you can't have it good all of the time.
We hit a blip when he was around 15 months old. R is an exceptional climber. (I swear he will be a mountaineer when he grows up.) Cot sides? No problem. He would climb out and want to get into bed with Z. We figured he was getting lonely at night so put the cot, now with sides removed, in Z's room. Once again problem solved.
Apart from when they were poorly and wanted snuggles, both boys were in the own beds from 7pm till 7am.
What a dream!
That was until around 3 months ago. Now, at 31 months old, R just does not sleep.
There have been no changes in our lives, no upheavals, no reason why we are having such a difficult time with him.
Sticking to a good bedtime routine is all the more important now Z is in full time school. Early starts and lack of sleep just do not mix.
After the boys have had a bath and story, they are snuggled in their beds.
Sounds the perfect setting for a night of blissful sleep, right?
If only!
First of all Z, who, when asked at dinner time how his day at school had been and replies with ok but wont say anymore than that, decides that now is the perfect time to tell us every little detail of his day. Once that's out of his system he falls asleep. Brilliant.
Now R. He does fall asleep quite quickly, normally before Z has finished telling me all about his day. The problem starts after a couple of hours of him being in bed. He wakes up crying. First time, one of us goes up and he settles again quite quickly. Second time, which can be a little as 20 minutes later, you have to stay with him a bit longer. This will carry on all evening. We can no longer watch a movie without long breaks with it on pause. You start to lose the plot. Of the movie and your mind.
I go up to bed and, despite being as quiet as a mouse, the moment my head hits the pillow and my body starts to relax, I hear a little whimper from the next room. Once I know that he really does mean it and he wont settle, I'll go in, lay him in bed and plonk myself on the floor.
Every now and then I will have a little peek and once I'm sure he's fast asleep, I even say his name and there's no response, I'll walk out the room. Turn around to close his gate and there he is! Stood wide awake next to me! There's a bit of a whisper battle trying to get him back into his own bed but without wanting to wake Z up (as he really is a bed hog), I give in and he gets his own way. He dives into my bed and then insists that he has to sleep on me. Not even being by my side is good enough for him.
I know letting him have his own way is not the answer.
I tried letting him cry it out over the weekend. That didn't work. I sat downstairs waiting it out till I heard a thud, then silence. I went to creep up the stairs when I found him sat at the top waiting for me. He was so determined that he wasn't going to stay in his own bed that he climbed over the stair gate. (If not a mountaineer then perhaps a tree surgeon?)
Onto last night. That was a complete fail. After both boys waking at 1am, I turned around to close the gate and they were both lining up behind me, ready to take over our bed. And they did. I was too tired to argue. I was left with a tiny ledge on the edge of the bed, hoping that if I ever got to sleep, I wasn't going to be awoken with a thud to the floor.
Daddy, who probably had the better nights sleep, crept off to Z's bed.
I lay there thinking how am I still getting this all so wrong. Why am I being such a pushover?
After finally falling back to sleep in the early hours, all too quickly it was 7am and my alarm was waking me up. So today I have felt like a zombie, only being held together by caffeine to get me through the day. But feeling determined that I will start to win in the battle of wills.
Tonight I'm going to try the gradual withdrawal method.
So far so good. Both boys were bathed at 6:30 and I was tucking them up by 7. Instead of staying in the room, I sat on the top of the stairs where they could see me. After a bit of a protest from R, and a few reminders that it was bedtime, he did slink off back to his bed. He had a look up every now and then and a little cry of 'mummy' but eventually, 45 minutes later, here I am sat down stairs, albeit with a sore bum.
(Note to self: Leave a cushion on the top of the stairs!)
I don't know how long till I hear cries of mummy coming from their room, but once little cherubs are tucked back in, instead of staying in the room, I will place myself in my spot on the stairs till its safe to creep away again without being noticed.
As I ushered the boys up to have a bath, Z asked me, 'Mummy, are you going to bed the same time as we are?'
Right now that doesn't sound too bad an idea.
xx
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